I kept smelling some sort of blown-out candles...

Starting life at Rhodes after my long-but-short six-week holiday in Johannesburg was a little bit of a shock to the system. Staying busy during the break helped acclimatise me to the huge influx of work I faced upon my return, though.

The five pieces I wrote for Activate's Politics and Business sections needed to be sourced and edited within two days of my return, which meant that interviews needed to be sniffed out, requested and held, along with my usual lectures and tutorials.

This, though, was not even the beginning of the work I needed to get stuck into when I came back. Last week, I had to complete and hand in applications for executive editorial positions for Activate along with CVs and cover letters for the two positions I am interested in - Politics editor and Opinions editor. I also had to get right back to writing stories for the next edition of Activate, as well as shoot, edit and compile and compelling little piece of multimedia work for Activate's online Opinions section concerning Rhodes's activism weeks, such as the LGBTI (Lesbian, Gay, Bisexual, Transsexual and Intersexual) week that has just passed.

Along with this, I have been notified of an amazing opportunity offered by the Allan Gray Orbis Foundation in the form of a study bursary or fellowship - covering tuition, residence, book fees, and an allowance. I have a very small chance of getting this sought-after fellowship, but a small chance is a chance nonetheless.

This weekend, I also went to look at a 'digs' (a house filled with students and debauchery) with some friends and Ben for next year. The digs is beautiful, with a massive six-bedroom house, a luscious, spacious garden, a one-person flat and a two-person flat. If all goes as planned, Ben and I will be signing the lease for the two-person flat this week. I will post pictures of the digs on Facebook once I have a small opportunity to catch my breath and catch up on my social networking. My digsmates - Katja, Lizzy, Jenna, Ben (Katz), my Ben, and Dwayne - are very cool and seem like the perfect people with which I would like to live, fight, laugh with and get to know.

I have also been offered a small - but very satisfying - job writing articles for online women's magazine Women Inc. about life lessons, books, products, and inspirational women. I now have a small addition to make to my pocket money and savings, which makes me feel a lot more grown-up and ready to take on new challenges in life.

This is an update on my academic and professional life.

An update on my personal life and emotional well-being? No news there. I still don't know who I am or what I want to do or be or say or think... So I'll just be sitting here, doing, thinking, being and saying exactly what I feel like. That is kind of what life is about - it'll happen, whether you're prepared for it or not. So, I'm enjoying this right now, just venturing off into the deliciously unknown, taking every step for exactly what it is - another step, another experience, another source of wonder, amusement, amazement, and new-found understanding about what it is to be human.

I'm very scared of my interview for the position of Politics editor - I don't ever seem to know quite enough, although reading the news daily has made a valuable contribution to my political knowledge.

**And the Monterey birches were there,
raising their skinny arms to the stars in surrender...**

My thoughts were so loud, I couldn't hear my mouth...

So, here I am again. I am back in Johannesburg (and have been for some time now) and pondering the meaning of my existence. Quite a pesky question, this one. Comedy group Monty Python's promisingly titled "The Meaning of Life", although crammed full of inappropriate laughs, is a major disappointment when it comes to answering life's most intriguing and badly addressed question... of all time.

Of Platoism, Aristotelianism, Cynicism, Cyrenaicism, Epicureanism, Stoicism, Enlightenment philosophy, Classical liberalism, Kantianism, Utilitarianism, Nihilism, Pragmatism, Existentialism, Absurdism, Secular humanism, Logical positivism, Postmodernism, Instinctivism, Social Darwinism and Evolutionary Psychology, Naturalistic pantheism, Western and Middle Eastern religions, Zoroastrianism, Judaism, Christianity, Islam, Bahá'í Faith, Advaita and Dvaita Hinduism, Vaishnavism, Jainism, Shinto, Taoism, Confucianism and other religious and philosophical ideas I do not claim to know much. Heck, I don't know what the hell I just said.

Here is my perspective.

Yesterday, while we were getting into the car, my mom said something interesting. "Accomplishment," she said, "is the best feeling in the world". I thought about this. Yes, that morning I had written two articles for Activate and was feeling quite good about myself, but was this the meaning of life? Was this what I had to strive for in life? I had a sudden flash of myself in ten years, a desperate workaholic, pushing away family, friends, and loved ones with my frantic and panicked searches for meaning in yet another pay raise, yet another successful article written. No... This wasn't it for me.

Many people find the begin-all and end-all of their wishes, expectations, ideals and dreams for themselves and their loved ones in a religion. No matter the religion, you will find many mindless followers trawling in its destructive wake. Some of the worst world atrocities have been committed (and continue to be committed) in the name of a deity, a belief, or a way of life. In Marie Claire, a fashion magazine in South Africa, I read about a girl who had attended an innocent get-together at a friend's house for her sixteenth birthday wearing a mini-skirt. Instead of receiving presents, or birthday cards, she was arrested and given 40 lashings by a government-funded group that enforced Islamic morality in Iran. Religion, no matter how mildly applied, has never brought peace or understanding to my life. Accepting complete responsibility, with a helpful dash of Occam's Razor*, has lead me to live a life independent of spiritual or religious dependency. Although I do not condemn it in the lives of others, this is not my calling either.

After doing a lot of thinking, I have come to two things I value highly in my life. Relationships with people I respect and learn from, and learning in itself. Meeting people I have something in common with or whom I admire and desire to learn from is the most exciting thing I could ever imagine. Spending time with Benjamin has proven this theory time and time again. He has never stopped fascinating and teaching me in the time we have been together. Together, we share experiences, thoughts, information, knowledge, feelings and emotions. I never, ever want to stop.

This is what I think about the meaning of life right now.

That's about it. Now I will go back to waiting in a nail-bitingly stressful haze for Marie Claire to reply to my e-mails and (hopefully) accept me as a baby intern for a week at their beautiful magazine.

*entia non sunt multiplicanda praeter necessitatem

Eat the city, eat it whole

Three down, two to go! English is over, and it went very well. A Midsummer Night's Dream, Romanticism, and The Great Gatsby were all very good to me, which is exactly what I deserved for my studies. On Tuesday, I am writing History. I have a whole week of 'me-time' ahead of me! Benjamin is studying very hard for Philosophy today, because his exam is tomorrow. It seems as though my first university exams are going to be as good as can be hoped for!

Ahead of me lies a week of watching series, Wikipeding History topics, snuggling deeply in bed on rainy mornings, and hopefully going to dad's for some delicious, wood oven food.

Here is a funny quote for you to enjoy:

Overheard in the Newsroom #4397: Copy Editor in reference to Justin Bieber: “If I looked like that when I was 15, I think I would have gotten pantsed.”

Economics queen 1 - 'Great' Gatsby 0

After having aced my first Economics exam meritoriously and chasing it down with a cold shot of Sociological brilliance, I am cool, calm, and collected for English tomorrow. After English, I have a free week in which I hope to visit my dad with Ben (a very welcome respite) and sleep for ridiculous amounts of time.

So, right now I am studying Renaissance and Romantic poetry, poetic narration in The Great Gatsby, and A Midsummer Night's Dream. I'm going to nail this bad boy to my Wall of Victories! That is why I am writing a blog right now - to show it that I am not scared of it at all, and that it kan maar BRING IT.

Well, I might write again tomorrow, after my exam. I'm feeling very happy, and ready to take on the world. To everybody who always knew what a wunderkind I was, I am happy to prove you right.

Don't Waste Time Doing Things You Hate

And so it has come to pass that today, on the afternoon of my first ever university exam, I finally have a whisper of a glimpse of a moment of peace and quiet. Since my last post, nothing has, in any way or form, improved in my life.

Now, don't get me wrong, my life has been great - who doesn't love perpetual lectures, assignments, tests, essays, studying, oily res meals and zero sleep? It's just that I haven't had a moment to myself yet. When I see myself in the mirror, I still get a fright at times because I have forgotten who I am. I thought I was G10R1626, BJourn 1, 2010? I have a face, a name, a brain? What is this life you speak of?

Jokes aside, the past four weeks have been quite the challenge for me. But, as all challenges do, this one brought rewards aplenty. Having four of my articles published in Activate (all of which you will se upon my return), creating the first ever multimedia "vlog" (video blog) for Activate online, getting firsts (75%+) for most of my assignments, essays and tests, working my butt of and learning to write more than 3,000 words in one day have made the past month more than worth it.

Benjamin is doing very well, and he is looking over my shoulder as I write thi- oh, wait? Where did he go? When he saw his name, he ran away to the warmth and anonimity of the corner of my room, saying "No! DOn't write about me!". Haha. He is teaching me how to play squash, and in the process he is making me very fit (and I love it too!). His first exam is Sociology on Friday, with me.

Today I wrote Economics, which went extremely well. I daresay it might even be one of my best subjects! After Sociology on Friday, I write English on Tuesday, History on the 1st of June and JMS on the 5th of June. Time is flying, though, and soon I'll be finished with all of this and back home.

In other news - last week, my raven-haired self was reborn, and from the flames of her death was born the new, fire-headed me. Check Facebook for pictures of my transformation!

Plans for the future: there is a big chance of my getting an internship or 'shadow week' at True Love magazine, voted one of the Top 10 women's glossies in South Africa. Very excited!

Well, I better be off. I need to study feral children, ideology, education, socialisation, orientalism and all kinds of other funky buzzwords now.

I love you!

My (un)vacation and the deep end of the university swimming pool

After a very, very eventful (and equally short) vacation, my term has started at Rhodes - and I am running at full speed to keep up with it!

In my vacation, I worked at Sapa (South African Press Association) and tried my hand at crime and accident reports, as well as political reporting. The latter is, to my surprise, very interesting, engaging, and quite to my tastes... The former, not so much. There is only so much one can say! "One killed... Woman run over... Three die in fire... Man arrested for possessing weapons... Aircraft does emergecy landing on beach..." would drive me absolutely crazy if I had to face it as my day-to-day job. I think we will all agree, though, that I have the ambition and talent to avoid this kind of reporting at all costs!

Yes, it was unpleasant, but I am not undermining the amazing experience I owe this icky job. I learned to negotiate my way around the iron-clad exterior of the SAPS, I perfected the skill of objective, factual reporting, I know all about legal implications and I know how to get what information I want, when I want it, and how I want it.

The ANC, the MDC and Julius Malema, however, are endlessly exciting and frustrating in equal measures. I might consider this field again... if it is only to be called a "bloody agent" by Malema. Seems so thrilling!

Before my head could even stop spinning with South African news and reports, my body had to be put through torture to exorcise the painful, kind of creepy growths it had growing inside of it, called endometriosis. Redcovering was difficult, but I think I've done it successfully. Bring it on, 80/20 injury and illness theory! I may be in the 20% of the population that gets 80% of illnesses and injuries, but I handle it pretty damn well!

Inbetween, I did not even have a spare second for rest and recovery. From getting my nose repierced (it closed when I had to take my piercing out for the operation) to getting my new cellphone (the beautiful Samsung Corby, wow!), I was not allowed to lament my illness at home, on my own.

One of the best parts of my recovery was attending my grandfather Izak Benjamin's art exhibition. Seeing his beautiful art and being with my family for a relaxing, special, nurturing and trnaquil day in Pretoria was exactly what I needed to recover.

Spending this holiday with my family was beautiful and special. The only thing I would wish to be different would be to have my holiday longer, and to move Pretoria and Vereeniging closer to Jo'burg so that I could spend quality time with ALL my grandparents. As you can probably tell, there was no time to travel to see any of them, and I was very lucky to catch a fleeting glimpse of Oupa Zak and Ouma Erna. My first plan for my six-week holiday coming up in June is to travel to Pretoria to see Ouma Tish and Oupa Phil. The camera they got me for my 18th birthday is amazing, I love it so much, it's exactly what I need here to document res life, outings, fun days and even to do my Sociology group project! (I will post another update on that a bit later). I miss them so much.

Thank you, family, for making my holiday so special, and making sure I knew how loved and appreciated I am. I hope I do the same for you, Mamma, Ella... Everybody. I love you so much! Gah!

I AM NOT SAYING A WORD ABOUT THE BUS RIDE. I refuse to become one of those useless complainers I hate so vehemently.*

I was thrown into the deep end when I arrived at Rhodes. I had work to finish immediately, with not a moment of reprieve for my body or soul. Ready, steady, GO!

Highlights of the last three days include...
- Pizza and cocktails on the roof of a restaurant called "The Yellow House" (a lovely, quaint, as-yet-undiscovered little spot in the middle of Grahamstown) with my lovely Benjamin
- Unpacking my room perfectly, and in record time
- Finishing all the work that has been flung straight into my chest on time, and as well as I could possibly hope for
- Doctor Benjamin Marais removing my post-surgery stitches HIMSELF with a sterilized pair of nail scissors and a tweezer
- Sleeping...

Speaking of this mystical, ever-elusive sleep...
Goodnight, lovely people who make me happiest on the earth.
Kayla

*That bus ride was so awful... I lie, I actually just want to cry when I think about it and that is why I won't discuss it! Haha. At least it's over now! Whew...

Authors of Identity

“Differences challenge assumptions,” the famous author Anne Wilson Schaef once said. As I looked at Chelsea Ann Chalmers, I snorted at the possibility. My assumptions about her, I thought, would never be challenged.
On the surface, we were very similar. We were both of the same age, race and sex. Both of us came from families with fairly comfortable incomes in Johannesburg, we both spoke the same language and we both attended Rhodes University as first year students.
But, as far as I was concerned, Chelsea and I could have been from two different species.
Having observed Chelsea for quite some time, I thought I knew exactly who and what she was, and I was not impressed. “I know your type,” I found myself thinking on more than one occasion, “and I don’t like it.” Her social extroversion and habits created my inability to see the person that she truly was. The culture at Rhodes teemed with ‘people like her’. She fit in beautifully; I was an outcast. She loved people; I felt uncomfortable around them. She enjoyed parties; I would rather cut my own leg off than attend one. She takes pleasure in sport; I find it torturous. It happens so often that we, as human beings, do not feel comfortable when we come across someone who could fit into more than one of the restricting little boxes we have created in which to stuff them. Because I had always regarded myself as liberal-minded and free of judgmental thoughts and ideas, it came as a nasty shock to me when I found that I had created a large number of these little boxes. Not only had I been trapping my acquaintances in these boxes, but my boxes did not even have holes through which they could breathe.
Chelsea is part of the ‘in-crowd’. She is popular, and she taps her feet to the music that blares from the radio. She jumps from one earth-shatteringly fashionable outfit to the next in the space of five minutes. She is invited to all the most exclusive parties as a Rhodes first year, and she attends them. Speaking to Chelsea, I thought, would be a waste of time. It was not. Speaking to Chelsea Ann Chalmers not only surprised me, but it blew all my stereotypically labelled boxes into oblivion.
It turned out that Chelsea and I were more alike than I had ever been able to dream. Human beings, I realised, were human beings not because of, but despite their cultures. Despite being from different cultures, Chelsea and I are both saddened by pain and suffering, and it brings us joy to bring joy to others.
It comes to pass that the most important part of a person is not determined by their habits, their background or their way of life. People share core values, and this makes us human. It is time to break open our boxes, pile them up, burn them down and dance around the flames together.